


The closer you get, the further I fall

by imsorryimlate



Category: Radio 1 RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-20
Updated: 2013-07-18
Packaged: 2017-11-26 04:51:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/646740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imsorryimlate/pseuds/imsorryimlate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Harry learn about Nick’s feelings for Matt, he makes a plan on how to get Matt to feel the same way. Matt, of course, is resistant, but Nick is persistent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The plan

“You’re trying to tell me that you’re in love with Matt?” Harry asked, looking at a slightly embarrassed Nick.

“Somewhere along those lines…” Nick murmured.

“I’m not surprised. The sexual tension between the two of you is thick enough to cut with a knife” Harry shook his head.

They were sitting in Nick’s apartment, had been watching the telly when Nick had suddenly started to stutter about his feelings for Matt Fincham. The words had sounded penned up, like they had wanted to escape from Nick’s mouth for a long time.

“Don’t give me false hope, Styles” Nick said and pouted.

“What do you mean?”

“Harry, you’re still a young lad, but you have to know that in the grown-up world, love doesn’t work out. Ever” Nick informed him.

“Someone’s optimistic…” Harry mumbled.

“Why would I be optimistic? Matt has a girlfriend and I’m never gonna get him, it’s obviously time for me to give up”

“Give up? Don’t you want to get Matt?” Harry asked.

“Yes, of course I want to get him, it’s just that-” Nick started, but was cut off by Harry:

“Then do something about it”

“Like what? Shoot his girlfriend in the head?” Nick’s voice was suddenly bitter.

“There’s other ways”

“To kill Matt’s girlfriend?” Nick looked confused.

“No! To get Matt, bonehead” Harry’s sigh mixed with a chuckle.

“What do you suggest?” Nick glanced suspiciously at the boy beside him.

“Woo him” Harry said, like it gave an answer to everything.

“Woo him? Like, bring him flowers and stuff? Harry, Matt is a man, not a princess” Nick protested.

“You can woo him without flowers” Harry rolled his eyes. “It’s not so hard, I can guide you” He offered.

Nick considered this for a moment.

“No, no, this is stupid,” he then said, “Look, it would only mess up our friendship and he already got a perfect girlfriend that he loves. The chance that he would leave that for me is… close to none” He looked at Harry, who didn’t look impressed by his self pitying rant.

“I think the biggest problem is that you haven’t grasped that life isn’t a romantic movie. Love doesn’t come free to us; we have to work for it. Fight for it” Harry suddenly sounded very wise and grown-up. Nick didn’t answer, he just looked down.

“Nick, if you think he’s not worth fighting for, then you shouldn’t bother with this. But if you think that you actually do love him, then life’s too short to waste time on silent devotion” Harry said, and when did he get so sensible? Had he rehearsed a speech for this?

Nick was silent for a long time with Harry watching him quietly. Was he prepared to work hard and maybe fruitlessly to gain the love of Matt Fincham? Definitely.

“Alright then. Guide me through this… wooing thing” Nick said with a sigh and a small smile.

“Okay, we have some simple steps, and the first one is: be nice to him”

Nick stared silently at Harry with a dubative look on his face.

“What?” Harry asked.

“Be nice to him? Really? Is that all you got?”

“I mean genuinely nice. Be a gentleman; open the door for him, when he struggles with something you should always offer help and when you arrive somewhere together you could take his coat. Things like that. Let your British blood show the way”

“Did you miss the part where I said that Matt is a man and not a princess?” Nick asked and furrowed his eyebrows.

Harry sighed.

“You must do it in a way that doesn’t makes him feel girly then”

“Okay. Be a gentleman” Nick nodded. “Please tell me there’s more steps, because this gentleman thing isn’t gonna be enough”

“Yes, there’s other steps. But we have to start somewhere, aye?”

“Yeah, but…” Nick didn’t continue.

“But what?” Harry pressed.

“Don’t you think I’m selfish? I mean, trying to drag him out of a good relationship and all?”

“Um… Well, I mean, yes, but it’s okay to be selfish sometimes”

Nick decided to trust Harry on that. Really, you are the main character in your own life, and who doesn’t want a happy ending?

“So this is actually happening? We are actually gonna do this?” He asked Harry with a raised eyebrows.

“Yes. Operation ‘Get Matt Fincham’ is officially started” Harry grinned back.

“So we start tomorrow?” Nick asked.

“You start tomorrow” Harry corrected.

“Okay, but if I get any shit for this, it was all your idea!”


	2. The first step

The next morning, Nick had a lump in his throat, caused by his nervousness. He had gotten strict instructions from Harry about his appearance: “Always be clean, keep your own style but make sure that your clothes are whole, clean and preferably ironed. Smell good and be handsome all the time when you know you’re going to meet Matt”. 

Considering that Nick pretty much dragged himself out of bed and put on the first clothes he could find, this turned out to be an effort. But he guess he had succeeded with his skinny jeans that made his ass look great and a brand new sweater that he don’t remember buying (he had probably  ~~stolen~~  borrowed it from one of his friends).

 

“You look good today” his driver said. 

 

“Thanks!” He said and some of his nervousness let go. Because really, how often did you get compliments from your cab driver? Not often enough.

 

When he walked the short way from the car to the door of the Radio 1 building, he couldn’t help but make a quick panic-call to Harry.

 

“Hello” Harry answered with slumberous voice.

 

“You know how sometimes I have a great idea, but the next morning it turns out to be a really bad idea?” Nick asked.

 

“I’m aware, ye-” Harry was cut off by his own yawn.

 

“Well, this feels like one of those ideas. I don’t have a chance, even with this plan” Nick didn’t know why he tried to make Harry tell him not to do it. He could easily say that he didn’t want to. But he guessed that the shame that came with giving up without a fight was too threatening.

 

“First of all, it was my idea and therefore it’s brilliant. Second of all, it’s just the nerves talking. This plan is the best chance you got” Harry said with a stern voice. He wouldn’t let Nick back out of this.

 

“I’m going to get rejected and I will be heartbroken and then I will have to get a new producer and everyone loves Finchy so they will be mad at me and this is going to be a disaster” Nick whined.

 

“Make sure you don’t fail then” Harry said simply.

 

“But-“

 

*click*

 

Nick looked at his phone. Had Harry really hung up on him mid-sentence? He re-dialed the number.

 

“Did you just hang up on me?” He asked when Harry picked up, and he tried to make his voice angry, but he mostly sounded surprised.

 

“Yeah, I did”

 

*click*

 

Harry hung up on him again.

 

“Rude teenagers…” Nick mumbled as he tucked his phone in his pocket and opened the door.

 

Before he walked into the studio he bit his lips to increase the blood flow and make them red. He had read somewhere that men focused more on women’s lips if they were red and that it’s sexy. Now, he wasn’t trying to make himself into a woman for Matt, he just thought that it would have the same effect. And he wasn’t about to wear lipstick, so the lip-biting was a good alternative.

 

“Good morning Matt!” He said when he walked in and spotted his producer.

 

“Good morning” Matt said without even sparing him a glance.

 

“Uh… can I help you with something?” Nick asked, thinking about Harry’s instructions to always offer help.

 

“What?” Matt looked at him now.

 

“I just wondered if you needed help with anything, because then I could help you” Nick shrugged and felt rather stupid.

 

“Yes, you can help me by hosting your show” Matt said coldly and went back to whatever he was doing before Nick had arrived.

 

“Alright…” Nick mumbled and walked to his usual spot in the studio. He looked around; both Matt and Fiona were working on preparations for the show, but Matt’s movements were slower than usual and he seemed deep in thought. Almost like he was distracted by something.

 

“Fiona! Hey, Fiona!” He whispered-shouted and Fiona turned to him. He waved her over.

 

“What’s wrong with Matt?” He asked when she walked up to him.

 

“Haven’t you heard? He and his girlfriend broke up yesterday” She whispered.

 

Nick felt like he had walked right into a wall. The whole world, all of his thoughts and feelings had just stopped. But the next second, realization dawned on him. Matt is single and so much more  _available_.

 

“Why are you smiling?” Fiona asked him.

 

“What are you talking about, I’m not smiling” Nick answered, even if he could feel his mouth stretch out.

 

“Yes, you are. You are full out grinning! What is wrong with you?!” Fiona sounded angry and Nick forced his smile down.

 

“I’m sorry, I do that sometimes when I’m surprised” he lied.

 

Fiona looked suspiciously at him.

 

“Promise” Nick said and held up his hands in defence.

 

“If you say so… you better get ready to start now” Fiona left him and he started up the intro of the show.

 

He cleared his throat and turned on his mic.

 

“Good morning, people of the UK! I’m pretty excited for the show today, and I hope you are as well. Are you excited Fiona?”

 

“I’m always excited for the show” She answered, but didn’t sound very excited.

 

“And Finchy couldn’t sleep last night, so I promised to leave him alone today”

 

Matt’s head snapped up and Nick met his surprised eyes. He nodded to tell Matt that it was okay; that he knew that Matt’s broken hearted and needed a break this day.

 

“Okay, it’s a busy day today, because today we have a special guest! Yaaay! Do you remember who, Fiona?”

 

“Yes, it’s-“

 

“No! Don’t ruin the surprise to our listeners!”

 

**~**

 

“So, I assume you heard the news” Nick turned around when he heard Matt’s voice behind him. They were in the middle of a record, so they had time to chat.

 

“Yeah. I’m sorry” He’s not. Not in the slightest. Sure, he had met Matt’s girlfriend a couple of times and she was a  _really_  nice lady, but she wasn’t Nick and that had been a big problem.

 

“It’s okay. We just didn’t work out and-” Matt cut off himself and pressed his lips tightly together.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Nick asked softly.

 

“No, I’m fine” Matt said with a forced smile.

 

“Do you want a hug?” Nick asked instead. Matt was usually dead set against Nick’s hugs, even if he managed to trap him in his arms sometimes.

 

“I…” Matt started, and then sighed. “Yeah” He admitted.

 

Nick wrapped his arms around Matt and squeezed him hard. He tried to transfer as much love as he could through the hug. Matt was clinging to Nick like he was being dragged away by the strong waves of the ocean and Nick was the rope that the other sailors had thrown out to him. Nick was surprised by the pure desperation in Matt’s embrace.

 

“Um, guys? The record is almost over” Fiona said and snapped them out of their moment.

 

“Right” Matt said and broke free from Nick, who glared subtly at Fiona.

 

As Nick was babbling about how much he liked the new record from some new band that he wasn’t even sure that he liked, he suddenly understood what Harry had meant with being “genuinely nice”. He had been genuinely nice to Matt by caring for him. When he had asked if Matt needed help with anything, he had asked because he wanted to be a gentleman and it had felt forced. But when he had refrained from teasing Matt on the show and hugged him to cheer him up, it came naturally and therefore it had been genuine.

 

He was starting to get a hang on this love thing.


	3. Next step

“I need another step” Nick said and slammed the door behind him as he walked into Harry’s apartment.

 

“What? I didn’t hear you, what did you say?” Harry asked from a distance. Nick followed the sound of his voice and found his young friend in the kitchen, preparing dinner for the two of them.

 

“I said; I need another step of the plan” Nick said and hung his coat on the back of one of the kitchen chairs.

 

“We have coat hangers in the hall for a reason, y’know” Harry said without looking up from his cooking.

 

“Steps. Now!” Nick commanded. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the kitchen counter.

 

“Isn’t it a little bit too early for another step? You only started this week” Harry asked and turned off the stove.

 

“But it’s having no effect right now! Matt thinks I’m only nice to him because of his breakup” Nick said and sighed.

 

“Be careful” Harry said calmly.

 

“Harry, he and his girlfriend broke up at the same time as I decided to woo him. The universe is playing this right into my hands!” Nick said with a triumphant grin.

 

“Don’t get cocky now. You don’t want to go too fast” Harry warned him.

 

“What do you mean ‘too fast’? I’ve waited long enough, haven’t I?” Nick raised an eyebrow in Harry’s direction.

 

“But you don’t want to become a rebound” Harry said and Nick’s smile disappeared.

 

“Stop knowing everything!” He cried out, frustrated that this teen knew these thing better than he did; a man nearing his thirties!

 

“It’s the truth” Harry shrugged.

 

“Why should I take advice from you anyway? You’re nine years younger than me” Nick snapped playfully.

 

“And I’ve had a lot more experience than you” Harry said with a overly self-confident smile.

 

“More experience? You have _no_ idea what you’re talking about” Nick said with a laugh playing in his voice.

 

“I meant relationship experience” Harry clarified.

 

“Oh. Oh, okay, I guess you’re right” Nick said and looked away.

 

“Nothing to be ashamed over, people are different” Harry said an patted Nick’s shoulder.

 

“I’m not ashamed” Nick defended himself.

 

“Dinner’s ready”

 

“Are you changing the subject?” Nick asked and Harry sighed.

 

“Next step is compliments. But they have to be innocent, otherwise he will think you’re messing with him” Harry said and Nick thought this over.

 

“Let me guess; I’m not supposed to say any compliments if I don’t mean them?” Nick said and Harry nodded.

 

“Exactly. You have to be sincere, or he won’t believe you”

 

“I don’t know why you think he’s insecure or have trust issues or something” Nick said and shook his head.

 

“It’s not specifically him, everyone will believe that you’re messing with them if you say ‘you have such a nice smile’ in a teasing tone. I don’t mean that you can’t tease him, playfulness is always cute, but not when you give him compliments” Harry explained patiently.

 

 

 

 

 

“Alright, I get it. Compliments” Nick nodded his signature I-understand-nod.

 

“But don’t stop with the previous step; you need to keep many balls spinning”

 

“But this gentleman thing is hard to get to when we almost never arrive at the same time or anything like that” Nick complained.

 

“I see. Well, this step might work better”

 

~

 

“Do you wanna go and get some coffee?” Nick asked Matt, who didn’t look surprised. Nick had been extra nice to him after his breakup, but it’s not like he was desperate.

 

“It’s alright, you don’t need to pity-hangout with me. I’m holding up” Matt answered.

 

“Maybe I just want to spend time with you” Nick hinted.

 

“Highly unlikely, but okay. Coffee?” Matt agreed.

 

“I know a cosy café just around the corner” Nick said with a smile and nodded his head in direction of the door.

 

“This isn’t a date, right?” Matt asked teasingly as he put on his coat.

 

“Not unless you want it to be” Nick said and started to lead the way.

 

“No, I’m fine, thank you” Matt said with a small chuckle and Nick smiled to himself. That was the first time he had heard Matt laugh since his breakup. He had missed the sound.

 

“What should we have?” Matt asked when they arrived at the café, and Nick’s heart jumped a little at his use of ‘we’.

 

“Just admit it; you want hot chocolate” Nick teased.

 

“No, that’s for children” Matt protested, but Nick noticed how he licked his lips at the thought of hot chocolate.

 

“I think it’s childish to not allow yourself what you want just because you’re supposed to act like an adult” Nick said.

 

“You’re right” Matt said, and Nick had barely ever heard that sentence come from Matt to him before, so he couldn’t help but grin widely.

 

“I could have some too, if it makes you feel better” Nick offered.

 

“That’s awfully kind of you, but-“

 

“You can make it up to me by paying” Nick said and Matt raised his eyebrows.

 

“I knew you had a secret motive with this” Matt said and shook his head.

 

“I’ll get a table” Nick said and looked around. He spotted one free table for two in the far corner; intimate and private, just what he was looking for. “Here let me take your coat” He said and turned to see a confused Matt.

 

“My coat?” Matt asked.

 

“Yeah, you know, that thing you’re wearing right now” Nick said and waited patiently as Matt unbuttoned his coat. When the final button was free, he helped Matt off with the coat and wrapped it over his arm. He fished in the pocket and found Matt’s wallet, which he handed to its owner.

 

“You know where my wallet is” Matt pointed out.

 

“Yeah, I take cash from you sometimes” Nick shrugged.

 

“You do?!” Matt asked and looked dismayed.

 

“No, I don’t!” Nick said and rolled his eyes. Matt needed to learn to not take him seriously.

“I’m not a thief” he then said, and added ‘ _the only thing I intend to steal is your heart_ ’ silently in his mind. He marked the end of their conversation by leaving Matt to claim their table.

 

When Matt arrived at their table with a tray with their cups of hot chocolate, Nick was staring down in his phone, texting keenly. He saw that Nick had placed his coat on the back of the unoccupied chair.

 

“Who are you texting?” He asked as he placed the tray on the table and sat down.

 

“Hm? Oh, just Harry” Nick answered and immediately tucked his phone away.

 

“ _Just_ Harry? Isn’t he the most important person in your life?” Matt teased.

 

“No, he’s not. He’s important, yes, but he’s just a friend” Nick explained and took a sip of his chocolate.

 

“So you two have never hooked up?” Matt asked and Nick almost choked on his drink.

 

“Me and Harry?” He started to laugh. “No, we haven’t”

 

“But would you if he asked?” Matt pried.

 

“Well, yeah… I mean, he looks good. But it’s not like I pine after him” Nick assured, suddenly afraid that Matt would believe that he was in love with Harry.

“He’s so young. _Too_ young. I want someone more mature”

 

“Really? Rumor has it that you like them young” Matt said casually, took a sip of his chocolate and watched Nick’s face carefully to see his reaction.

 

“Ugh, yeah, I know! I don’t know where they got that from” Nick said and rolled his eyes. God, what was Matt gonna think of him?

 

“Maybe from all the flirting with young, male models on twitter?” Matt suggested.

 

“What, are you jealous?” Nick said and smirked. He moved his foot so that it was leaning against one of Matt’s. To his disappointment Matt moved his away at the contact. However, he didn’t comment on Nick’s accusation of being jealous, which Nick hoped meant that he was.

 

“Very private table” Matt said and looked around; they were in the corner behind a big indoor plant.

 

“Yeah, as you know I’m famous now” Nick said and threw his head back in a dramatic motion.

 

Matt snorted in reply. Nick was so ridiculous, and he didn’t know why he found it endearing.

 

“You’re cute when you smile” Nick blurted, sincerely and innocent.

 

“Are you being ironic?” Matt asked with furrowed brows.

 

“No, it was just a compliment! Jesus, Fincham, don’t be so paranoid” Nick exclaimed loudly.

 

They drank their chocolate silently for a long time, until…

 

“My name isn’t Jesus Fincham” Matt murmured.

 

“Oh God…” Nick sighed, but couldn’t help but smile.

 

“Not God either” Matt said and tried to look serious.

 

Nick only answered by scrunching up his napkin and throwing it in Matt’s head.


	4. Compliments

The compliment-step had lasted for three weeks. Nick had liked it; it had been fun to find the right moment, the right amount of flatter, to get to know Matt’s different reactions to compliments, etc.

 

_And it had gone well when:_

 

“We had a great guest in here yesterday, do we have a montage?” Nick asked Matt. He knew that Matt had prepared one, and he intended to compliment him if it turned out to be good.

Matt pressed a button and a montage of their interview started to play. And it was perfect; the best bits and smooth transits.

 

“That was really good, Finchy. Perfect montage!” He said as soon as the clip was over.

 

“Aw, thank you” Matt said and smiled brightly at him. So cute.

 

But the whole crew (Matt included) looked at him expectantly, as if he would say something that ridiculed Matt’s montage. He wasn’t going to do that, just because he had in the past. He could tease Matt some other time; this was a time for compliments.

 

“Right, next track is from Beyoncé, this is her new record” Nick said and didn’t miss Matt’s smile in the middle of the other’s confusion at his lack of mocking.

 

**~**

 

_On the other hand, it had gone terrible when:_

 

“Matt, I really like your shirt today. Is it new?” Nick asked, because he had never seen Matt wearing the shirt that was currently making him look serious, neat and extremely handsome. But this time, Matt’s face seemed to freeze instead of lighten up.

 

“Yes, I, eh, I got it from my girlfriend last Christmas… ex-girlfriend, of course” He said and the pain on his face was so obvious that Nick felt it too.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize-” Nick started to apologize, but Matt cut him off.

 

“No, no, it’s fine. And thank you”

 

Nick scrunched up his face in shame and embarrassment. Great. He didn’t try his luck with his compliments for the rest of that day.

 

**~**

 

_But it had gone great when:_

 

Matt had during the last ten minutes tried to explain something of technical importance to Nick, but he had been more focused on the way Matt’s lips curved around every vowel, so nothing had really worked its way into his brain.

 

“So, do you understand?” Matt asked and Nick’s eyes flew from his lips to his eyes.

 

“Hm? No, not at all” He admitted and Matt sighed deeply.

 

“I have explained this to you four times” Matt said calmly, but Nick could hear irritation sleeping beneath his calmness.

 

“But I’m not as smart as you, of course I don’t understand” Nick said.

 

“I’m not that smart…” Matt mumbled, but Nick could see that he was flattered.

 

“Yes, you are. We would be lost without you on the show! I’m so happy that I got you to rely on” Nick said and saw that Matt’s cheeks turned rosy.

 

“Oh, please, you could do fine with any-“

 

“Shut up” Nick said and Matt gave him a surprised and confused look.

 

“What I’m trying to tell you here, Matt, is that I appreciate what you’re doing. But I wouldn’t appreciate it as much if it was someone else but you” Nick said and by now the top of Matt’s ears were tinted pink as well.

 

“Eh-” Matt cut himself off by laughing shyly. “Eh, thank you”

 

Matt’s gaze flickered around the room, trying to keep his eyes off Nick, but eventually he just looked down at his hands.

 

“Right! Shall we go through this again?” Nick asked and snapped them out of their slightly awkward moment.

 

“Okay” Matt said and prepared to explain the whole procedure one more time.

“Look here, when you…”

 

**~**

 

_But maybe, it had been best when he received a compliment from Matt:_

 

“Am I right when I say that you have been dressing better lately?” Matt asked Nick one Friday after the show.

 

“Yes” Nick confirmed with a beaming smile. “I’m glad that you noticed”

 

It almost felt like he had been holding in a breath that he could finally release. All the work to look better for Matt had finally paid off; Matt had noticed.


	5. The helping hand of an enemy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Louis Tomlinson will make an appearance in this chapter, and I know that Nick’s and Louis’ “beef” is mostly made up, but I’m playing on it anyway. And while I ship Larry, I decided not to include it in this story. They got no business here, right?

_"Come over tonight, more steps coming your way"_

 

Nick looked at the text he had just received from Harry; he was surprised. He hadn't asked Harry for more steps, because the compliment one was still fresh, and it had given great results. The smiles that Matt gave him nowadays where enough to make him feel a little bit too warm for his clothes.

 

But he did as Harry said and went to his place.

 

"Come in" Harry said when he opened the door, and led the way to his living room.

 

Harry stopped to lean against the doorframe while Nick continued further into the room. He soon understood why; Harry was trying to catch his reaction, because he was met by a not so pleasant surprise.

 

Louis Tomlinson was sitting on Harry's couch.

 

"What is he doing here?!" He asked irritated, because he had not agreed to involve Louis in this plan.

 

"Relax, he's here to help us with the next step" Harry explained and Nick turned to him.

 

"I don't want him to help" Nick said and gave Louis a dirty look.

 

"Why can't you two just get along?" Harry sighed.

 

"I have nothing against him" Louis said with a shrug, but Nick knew that it wasn't true. Louis didn't like Nick, probably because he was 'stealing' his best friend. Possessive bastard…

 

"I have nothing against him either," _Lie,_ "I just don't want him prodding in my love life!" Nick protested.

 

"Listen, I haven't told Louis who you're using those steps on. So if you really don't want him to help, that's fine. He's clueless. But I warn you; think twice about rejecting his assistance, because this step might be a bit more difficult than the others" Harry explained.

 

Nick pondered this for a moment. He didn't specifically like Louis, even if they didn't hate each other like people tend to think they do, but on the other hand he couldn't really afford to turn down help.

 

"Okay, I'm gonna decide to trust you on this one" Nick said and pointed at Harry before turning to Louis again.

"The only thing you need to know is that I'm in love with my producer Matt Fincham. You have met him, charming guy. I need to get him because we are meant to be; it was a match made in heaven"

 

Both Harry and Louis looked weirdly at him.

 

"Ooooookay… shall we begin?" Harry asked and sat down in the couch, looking at Nick and waiting for him to do the same.

 

"I can stand" Nick informed and crossed his arms over his chest.

 

"Fine. Should I or should you?" Louis asked Harry.

 

"I guess I could explain this one. You must make him see you as a sexual creature" Harry said and looked at a puzzled Nick.

 

"I'm sorry, but what?" Nick asked, because what on earth did that mean?

 

"You know, make him aware of your body" Louis explained with a smirk.

 

"And how do you suppose that is going to happen?" Nick asked Louis.

 

"Well, I don't know. You're the one who spends three hours a day with this guy, you should know" Louis said.

 

"Three and a half" Nick corrected.

 

"Okay, it doesn't really matter. Do you know what he likes?" Harry asked.

 

"No. He isn't very open about that" Nick sighed.

 

"Start by showing off the best parts of your body" Louis instructed.

 

"What exactly are the 'best parts' of my body?" Nick questioned and suddenly felt unsure. His body - would Matt like it at all?

 

"Um, I don't know. Let's see what tumblr says, I always go there when I need reassurance about my looks" Harry suggested and went to grab his laptop.

 

When he came back, Louis and Nick where both sitting on the couch but with a huge distance between them; allowing Harry to settle down in the middle.

 

"Okay, let's see what we got" Harry said and typed in _'Nick Grimshaw'_ in the tumblr search field.

The first thing that showed up was a very vulgar, photoshopped picture of Nick and Harry kissing.

 

"Good Lord!" Nick shouted in surprise. He had seen plenty of 'gryles' pictures before, but he had somehow been more prepared for it then.

 

"Tell me about it. You should see the ones of me and Louis"

 

"I'd rather not" Nick said and looked at Louis, sending him a quiet message with his eyes.

 

"Oh, get off your high horse, Nick!" Louis answered the silent words Nick had sent him with that gaze; _'I_ _don't want to see you naked'_.

 

"Okay, while you had your bitch fight, I actually did some research. We got three _'his hands are porn'_ , one _'his_ _legs are hotter than mine and I'm a girl'_ and one _'I want his hair'_. So, your best parts are hands, legs and hair" Harry summarized.

 

"Okay, start showing off your legs, skinny jeans is always good" Louis said and Nick sighed.

 

"Mr. Tomlinson, I wear skinny jeans on a daily basis, please start being useful"

 

"Fine! Your hands, make him notice them" Louis snapped.

 

"How? By sticking my fingers down his throat?" Nick mocked.

 

"I bet you want to stick them elsewhere!" Louis countered.

 

"Don't - don't even go there" Nick warned him, because Louis, of all people, had no business in that area.

 

"Oh, trust me; I don't want to!"

 

"Guys!" Harry yelled and Nick's and Louis' eyes immediately flew to him.

"Please" He begged.

 

Nick didn't know why he and Louis couldn't get along; perhaps they were too alike.

 

"What do you suggest I do to get him to notice my hands, Louis?" Nick asked with forced calm, trying to not be hostile.

 

"I don't know" Louis admitted.

 

"Great, the genius doesn't even know" Nick said and huffed.

 

"I do have one idea, but you probably won't like it. You might not even want to go through with it" Louis explained.

 

"Test me" Nick challenged and jutted out his chin cockily.

 

"Cut your finger" Louis said simply.

 

"No!" Nick protested.

 

"Hear me out!" Louis insisted and Nick decided to do so. "Cut you finger on a sharp piece of glass or whatever you have around you, pretend it was an accident and ask him to nurse you"

 

"And what exactly will I gain from this except for a scar on my finger?"

 

"First of all, you will ask Matt for help, something that most guys like. It makes us feel _heroic_. Secondly, in order for him to put a band-aid on you he must hold your hand, therefore he might notice them" Louis elaborated.

 

Nick looked at him with an amused smirk.

 

"Harry, I like your friend. He's barely sane" Nick said and all of them huffed out a laugh.

 

"And to get him to see the rest of your body; stretch and such stuff. Bend over in front of him, let him get a good view" Harry winked at him.

 

"And show off some skin" Louis added.

 

"I think he has seen my skin already; if type 'Nick Grimshaw' on google and you find lots of pictures of me on the beach"

 

"That shouldn't be a problem, just make sure he's not supposed to see you when he does" Louis said.

 

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, both he and Nick looking foggy.

 

"Why do you think Romeo and Juliet was such a success? Why do you think people fall in love with their bully? Why do you think people have secret relationships? People enjoy the thrill of forbidden love, and if Matt somehow sees you undressed when he's not supposed to, then he might start to see you differently"

 

Nick and Harry stared at Louis in bewilderment; none of them had expected his plans to be so well thought-out.

 

There was a long-drawn silence.

 

"Definitely not sane" Nick murmured at last, a smile dancing on his lips.


	6. Handyman, candyman

**_Matt's P.O.V_ **

Matt’s life wasn’t the best example of the idea of a great life. He was supposed to have a steady relationship and a job that he loved. This was not the case.

He had recently ended things with his girlfriend and while he loved his job, he sort of hated it too. Because it shoved him right into the company of Nick Grimshaw; his annoying, immature and ridiculously charming colleague.

It’s not that Matt didn’t like Nick; he was a great friend and a brilliant radio host (even if Matt had to keep him on a short leash since he had a habit of getting out of line).

No, Nick hadn’t done anything wrong, it was just that he made Matt feel… _odd._ It was like Nick had gotten under his skin and were sitting there; glowing with his presence. Making it impossible for Matt to keep his mind and eyes away from him.

Well, he was an interesting creature to watch; long, elegant legs, floppy hair, bright smile, tired eyes filled with sleeping mischievousness; ready to wake up and cause disaster. And Matt was just going to admit it; for being a guy, Nick had a pretty nice ass. Not that he had been _specifically looking,_ but Nick was clumsy and always dropped his pen, and when he bent over right in front of Matt to pick it up… it’s not like he could avoid seeing it!

No, Matt wasn't attracted to Nick just because he noticed him. How could you not notice someone who's dancing around under your nose every day? So he guessed that the way his eyes clung to every move Nick made was just his body's panic response to the pain he felt after his breakup. Matt sighed and put his head in his hands. In the distance he could hear Nick babbling on air and he really needed to pull himself together. For his job. For _Nick_ , because Nick had cared so much for him when he was going through the worst of his heartache; being a gentleman and spreading compliments around him. The least he could do was to produce Nick’s show properly. He heard how Nick let Tina take over with the news.

“Matt, are you okay?” Nick asked, suddenly right in front of him. Matt lifted his head out of his hands and looked up.

“I’m fine, just a bit sleepy. I didn’t sleep well last night” He said and hoped that Nick had swallowed his white lie.

“Oh, okay. Would you mind helping me with something then?”

“With what?” Matt asked, and suddenly he felt a bit uncomfortable. Nick was standing right in front of his chair and his face was way too close to Nick’s crotch.

“I accidentally cut my finger and I need you to put a band-aid on me” Nick explained and held up his left hand’s middle finger. Drops of wine-red blood were rapidly working their way out of the wound and started their journey towards Nick’s knuckles.

“Oh my God! What did you do?!” Matt asked and stood up; immediately grabbing Nick’s hand to examine the cut. “This is quite deep… There aren’t any sharp objects in the studio, how did you cut yourself _in here_?!”

“LMC brought in that plastic thingy and it had sharp edges and I guess I was holding too tight” Nick explained, but Matt barely listened.

“Alright… We have to wash this first, come on” Matt kept a steady grip on Nick’s hand and guided him through the studio, towards the bathroom. It wasn’t so close, but they had time; Tina would finish the news and then at least three songs would play.

They entered the bathroom and Matt dragged Nick to the sink, turning on the tap and checked the temperature.

“Take it easy, it’s not like I’m dying” Nick said with a smirk. Matt didn’t answer; he simply steered Nick’s finger under the running water.

“Oh!” Nick burst out in surprise, “It’s cold” he noted.

“Yes, the cold makes your blood circulation slower and therefore stops the major flow” Matt explained.

“How do you know this stuff?” Nick asked, clearly impressed. Matt couldn’t help but feel a bit satisfied because of this.

“It’s just stuff you know” Matt shrugged and kept his eyes on Nick’s hand.

He had seen it all over tumblr; the ‘handporn’. People loved Nick’s hands. He understood why; Nick had long, slender fingers, a soft-looking palm and a lovely opisthenar.

He was holding Nick’s fingers now; keeping the wounded one under the water. He could imagine that the finger was all numb, because his almost were but they weren’t even directly under the stream.

“How does it feel?” He asked Nick.

“I would answer that if I actually _could_ feel my finger” Nick said chuckling and Matt soon joined in.

“Right” Matt said when they had composed themselves and turned off the tap. He grabbed a paper towel and dried off Nick’s hand. “Did you have a band-aid?”

“Yes,” Nick said and pulled a band-aid from his back-pocket, “here” He dropped it in the palm of Matt’s outstretched hand.

While Matt placed the band-aid over the now clean cut he couldn’t help but to be very aware of Nick’s hands. How they were larger than his own, how frozen they were and how (Matt was never going to admit that he even had this thought) their hands seemed to match; to _fit_. Matt immediately stuffed that thought in the back of his mind and decided to never think about it again. He usually didn’t do that; when there was an issue he faced it… but this time he was out on deep water. He was stumbling around in a district that was almost completely unknown on his part; a district that could make him lose his job and a good friend. Matt snapped out of it by shaking his head; why was he even thinking about this?

“There. All done” He said and let go of Nick’s hand. Without the support, Nick’s arm instantly fell to his side.

“Thank you!” Nick said and lifted his hand to his face; inspecting the wrapping of the band-aid.

“No problem, but be more careful, will you?” Matt said and Nick fired off a beaming smile towards him.

“Are you worried about me?” He asked, but Matt couldn’t tell if he was smug or just cheery about it.

“Well, I want you to be able to use the buttons” Matt said and shrugged.

“I can’t, because you killed my finger!” Nick said and held up his finger; it was white because of the lowered flood flow.

“Rub it to life for me, will you?” Nick teased and Matt huffed.

“I’m not going to wank your finger” Matt said and Nick’s laugh jolted out of him like a cannonball. It was his uncontrolled, open-mouthed, hysterical laughter that Matt secretly called _‘the best kind’_.  He guessed that anyone could produce a _‘the best kind’_ -laugh, but he hadn’t really witnessed something like that before he met Nick... Oh God, his brain really was against him this day, wasn’t it?

“Well, let’s get out of here already, we have a show that we left unattended” Matt said and walked out of the bathroom, Nick closely behind.

When they got out they were met by no one else but Tina Daheley, who looked between the two of them and the bathroom door.

“This is not what it looks like” Matt said before he continued his journey towards the studio.

“It’s exactly what it looks like” Nick said and winked to Tina, then he chased after his producer. Matt pretended that he hadn’t heard his comment; calling him out on it would seem way too defensive…

“Where the hell have you two been?!” LMC asked when they entered the studio.

“Patching up the idiot” Matt said and pointed at Nick. Nick opened his mouth to defend himself, but there was obviously no time for that.

“Hurry up, you’re on in seconds!” LMC shooed Nick to his microphone and he was barely prepared to speak again when they turned him on air.

During the rest of the day, Matt couldn’t help but check in on Nick all the time, constantly asking “how’s it going with your finger?” and “it’s not bleeding through, is it?”. He didn’t know, but it almost looked like Nick was _satisfied_ by his worry. But of course he would worry; Nick was his friend!

Or something like that…


	7. Keep your eyes on me

**_Matt’s P.O.V_ **

 

Matt tapped his foot impatiently. How long did it take to change clothes, really?

Nick, aka his colleague who always was full of dumb ideas, had been invited to Scott Mills’ show to play innuendo bingo. And guess what the idiot had done, besides begging his actually busy producer to come and watch? He had demanded that they would play with lemonade instead of water. Matt couldn’t figure out how on earth he had thought that it would be a good idea…

Safe to say; Nick was totally sprayed down with lemonade at the end of the game, and had excused himself to go to an empty room to change his attire. And that was all fine, except for that he had asked Matt to bring him some random, unimportant papers about tomorrow’s show. Because Matt didn’t have all day to stand around and wait for Nick to come out if that room, which he never did.

Matt sighed loudly and massaged his temple with his right hand.

 

“Why don’t you just go after him?” Scott asked eventually.

 

“Because he is changing his clothes” Matt replied, thinking that it was obvious.

 

“I don’t think he would mind if you walked in” Scott said and there was  _something_  in his eyes, like he knew every secret on this earth.

 

“That would be intruding on his privacy” Matt said, uncomfortable with the thought that Scott was on to whatever it was that he had been feeling lately.

 

“Because that guy is all about privacy, right?” Scott raised his eyebrow mockingly.

 

“It’s different when you choose to expose yourself” Matt tried to find every reason not to go, which was stupid, because he had the chance to escape from Scott’s knowing gaze.

 

“Matt, we both know that you’re in a hurry, so just get on with it” Scott pushed.

 

Eventually Matt nodded and walked out of the room; starting to hunt down the room used as dressing room.

Truth be told, Matt was nervous about accidentally walking in on something inappropriate. He knew Nick and he knew that Nick did a lot of inappropriate things, especially when he’s left unattended. Matt wasn’t even sure exactly what his job was anymore; the Breakfast Show’s producer or Nick Grimshaw’s babysitter?

 

He opened a door - occupied. He opened another - empty. He opened the third door - no Nick in sight. He pushed down the door handle of the fourth door, and the door opened silently. There wasn’t much light in the room, so Matt stuck his head in and was just about to call out Nick’s name when he saw him. He was standing with his back facing Matt, so he didn’t see him. Had he heard him? Probably not, since he didn’t acknowledge his presence.

And so, without any warning, Nick started to take off his button-down shirt. It slid over his shoulders and down his arms in an oddly sensual sense (was he really undressing in slow motion or was it just Matt’s world that had slowed down?). Nick carelessly let his shirt fall to the floor and left it there. Matt wanted to move, to step inside and ask Nick  _“did you only just now started to change your clothes?!”_  and remind him that he was busy and that Nick was selfish and stupid and mean and every other word in the dictionary that didn’t exactly describe the radio host. He wanted to do that, but he couldn’t. His feet were glued to the floor and his throat felt like sandpaper.

His eyes refocused on Nick, who gripped the hem of his tank top and started to slowly drag it up over his head.

Matt knew that he shouldn’t stand here and peep on his colleague, it was more madness than Sparta, but he just couldn’t rip his eyes away from the flexing muscles in Nick’s back, the way his arms stretched and the rolling of his shoulder blades. Matt absentmindedly licked his lips and started to feel a rush of heat flying over his skin.

 

All of a sudden Matt felt a pair of hands on his shoulders that dragged him back, out of the room, causing the door to slam shut in front of him. The person kept their tight grip on his shoulders and started to guide him down the hall, walking rapidly away from the room, away from Nick. He didn’t know if he was disappointed or grateful that the person had interrupted him.

 

“Walk with me” The person said and Matt recognized the voice; it was Ian Chaloner.

 

**~**

****

**_Nick’s P.O.V_ **

 

Nick heard the door slam shut and a grin spread over his face.

Everything had gone exactly according to the plans.

He had let Scott Mills in on his little secret, and that had helped a lot. They had decided that they would use innuendo bingo as an excuse to change clothes and then Scott would do whatever he could to get Matt to the dressing room.

The only thing Nick had to do was to wait until he heard Matt’s footsteps outside of the door, then start to undress himself. He was a little embarrassed that he recognized Matt’s footsteps, but it wasn’t really that hard; he had a special pace and the sound his shoes made was unique. Piece of cake.

 

He let his left thumb stroke over the small elevation on his left middle finger, which he had gotten last week through his little stunt with a knife. He had cut his finger with a small pocket knife that Harry had lent him just so that Matt could put a band-aid on him. He had, of course, underestimated the sharpness of the knife and cut too deep; causing lots of blood and a small scar. When Matt had asked him what had happened, he had told him that he cut himself on LMC’s plastic gadget. And now, he had destroyed a perfectly nice shirt with lemonade. All of this just to get Matt to notice his body.

Nick sighed with a small smile. The things he did for that man…

 

**~**

 

**_Matt’s P.O.V_ **

 

“So, do you mind explaining why you were spying on Nick changing his clothes?” Ian asked Matt when they stood face to face in an empty corridor.

 

“I wasn’t spying, I was just going to give him some papers about tomorrow’s show” Matt explained, but Ian just crossed his arms and looked dubiously at him.

 

“I saw you stand there for at least two minutes. I’m not stupid” He said and Matt sighed.

 

“Honestly I don’t know what happened, okay? I just couldn’t look away” Matt admitted and avoided to look at Ian.

 

“I guess that’s understandable, he is a… eh, handsome man after all. It’s not like I’m surprised that you fancy him” Ian said and smiled at him.

 

“I don’t fancy him!” Matt snapped.

 

“You just want to bone him?” Ian suggested and Matt wanted to bite his head off.

 

“No, I don’t want anything unprofessional to do with him, at all. I was just caught up in the moment, alright?” Matt defended himself. He cursed Ian for walking in on him, he cursed Nick for being so damn enchanting and he cursed himself for getting into that situation.

 

“If you say so” Ian shrugged.

 

“We drop this here and now, and you don’t tell anyone about it” Matt instructed with a finger pointed at Ian.

 

“I will just add it to my  _‘Blackmailing Matt Fincham’_ -list” Ian teased and Matt exhaled a breath of relief.

 

“I hate you, Ian” He said and heard the other man chuckling.

 

“Hello, gentlemen” A voice suddenly interrupted, a voice that Matt recognized quickly.

 

Nick walked over to the two of them and Matt felt his cheeks burning with shame. He had just watched this man getting undressed!

 

“Matt, I went back to Scott’s studio but you weren’t there. I expected those papers” Nick said and directed his eyes to Matt’s, who felt like Nick was looking right into his soul.

 

“Erm, I was just… out to get some… water and then I ran into Ian and we just got stuck talking. But here!” Matt thrusted his papers into Nick’s hands and then looked at his watch.

“Right, I need to be off, thanks for inviting me to innuendo bingo. See you tomorrow!” Matt said and hurriedly escaped the scene.

 

He couldn’t face Nick right now, he needed to just  _cool off._


	8. Steps over the phone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry about the delayed chapter; school was hell last week… This is mostly a filler chapter, but there is some information in there. I hope you’ll like it. (Btw, chapter title is a bad pun of “sex over the phone”, yep, that’s my humor)

"I'm not sure if this step worked or not" Nick said into his phone and paced around his living room.

 

"What do you mean?" Harry asked on the other side of the line.

 

"I think the step worked in sense of making him _see_ my body, but he has sort of pulled away from my company" Nick explained while biting on his thumb nail. He usually didn't do that, but he was anxious now.

 

"Well, shit… I guess it backfired then" Harry said, but sounded way too casual about the matter for Nick's liking.

 

"I told you, we shouldn't have involved Louis in this!" Nick accused, because Matt hadn't pulled away until they started to use Louis' advice.

 

"This isn't Louis' fault" Harry defended.

 

"Like hell it isn't!" Nick snapped, irritated by Harry's illusion that Louis could do no wrong.

 

Harry didn't answer and at first Nick started to believe that he had hung up, but after some listening he could hear Harry's soft breathing through the phone.

 

"You've got issues" Harry finally said and Nick sighed.

 

"Yes, but currently the issue isn't Louis' and mine _budding_ _friendship_ , the issue is that I have scared Matt away"

 

"Alright, we'll call Louis" Harry said and Nick wanted to smack his head against a lamp.

 

"Didn't I just tell you that we wouldn't include Louis in this?" Nick asked, voice bitter.

 

"Are you sure about that?" Harry asked and Nick didn't need to think twice.

 

"Yes, I'm completely sure. Now please tell me what to do" Nick said.

 

"Why can't you think for yourself?" Harry asked, and Nick could almost see him raising his eyebrows even if they were on the phone.

 

"Because my brain is clouded with love" Nick answered, because he hasn't been able to think straight lately (no pun intended).

 

"Okay, Shakespeare, I guess it's time to start a new step" Harry told him and where was that lamp when you needed it?

 

"Oh God, again? Why do I have to balance it so much, it's so confusing!" Nick whined. It's not like he wasn't prepared to work hard to get Matt, but it didn't mean that he enjoyed the sleepless nights going through plans in his head and the even earlier mornings to get extra good looking.

 

"Can I ask you something?" Harry asked, suddenly sounding serious.

 

"Go ahead" Nick said and sat down in his couch, preparing for whatever Harry was going to question.

 

"You said that this is the first time you've been in love for real. How do you know that?"

 

The question caught him off guard.

 

"Wow… Wasn't prepared for that one. Uh, but I guess I just kind of... Or, you know, it didn't happen all at once. I started to care about him and then I couldn't stop thinking about him. I noticed every little thing about him and all of his quirks became charming and cute. And I started to picture a life together with him; I want to cook dinner together with him, and call him on a Wednesday afternoon while he's still at work and ask him what brand of soap he wants me to buy. Every time I put on a suit I want him to come and fix my tie and stand on his tiptoes to kiss me and wish me good luck for the evening. Or maybe he could accompany me to whatever event I'm going to; he would be holding his arm safely around my waist on the red carpet. And in the mornings he would come and snatch the newspaper out of my hands-"

 

"I didn't know you read the newspaper" Harry interrupted him.

 

"I don't" Nick admitted and let a giggle escape his mouth. He heard Harry chuckling on the other line.

 

"You've got it bad, Nick" Harry concluded in a teasing tone.

 

"I know, I'm pathetic" Nick sighed.

 

"Everyone is pathetic when they're in love. Trust me, I know. I used to imagine that the person I was in love with fed me oath meal on lazy summer mornings" Harry confessed, and he could hear Nick's laugh buzzing in his ears.

 

"How romantic" Nick said mockingly.

 

"You shouldn't say anything; you fantasize about buying soap" Harry pointed out.

 

"Okay, we don't need to get further into that... Instead, we should discuss how to make that vision of the future come true" Nick ushered.

 

"Okay, but you have to be even more careful this time, because if you go too strong on him, he will pull away more" Harry warned.

 

"Doesn't sound too promising" Nick said nervously.

 

"You’re going to, completely innocently, touch him" Harry’s words seemed to almost go straight through Nick’s mind.

 

"What?" He asked.

 

"Innocent touches" Harry repeated.

 

"I'm sorry, but the words 'innocent' and 'touching' doesn't really merge together for me" Nick said with suggestion laced in his voice.

 

"Thanks for that information, perv..." Harry huffed out with a laugh.

 

Nick didn't protest towards the statement, because with the thoughts he had had about a special producer lately, he was almost sure he counted as a pervert.

 

"Innocent touching means that you will touch his arms while speaking to him or if you want his attention, and put your arm around his shoulder, but not his waist. Uh... put your hand on his back if you are going to guide him somewhere, but not the lower back... Just think that you should be comfortable with touching your grandma the way you touch Matt" Harry instructed and Nick’s face scrunched up in disgust. He soon realized that Harry couldn’t see his face, so he voiced his thoughts.

 

"Ugh, thanks for ruining my sexual fantasies!"

 

"You’ll get over it. Anyway, what you are trying to accomplish here is that he will be aware of your body, but he can't pull away from such innocent touches. Do you understand?"

 

"I have to come off as innocent?" Nick summed it up.

 

"Exactly. There you have the key. But pull away immediately if he seems uncomfortable with it"

 

"I don't think he will be. He's usually pretty touchy-feely" He said, because Matt always touches _his_ shoulders or arms when he wanted his attention.

 

"Even after he started to see your body as something sexual?" Harry asked.

 

Nick started to grin. Innocent on the surface, yes, but not down under. Matt can’t defend himself against innocent touches, but maybe those seemingly innocent touches will make a lightning of desire flash through his body?

 

"Harry, you are a bloody genius!"


	9. If I look confused it's because I am

_Sweaty skin moved together, moans and gasps were heard, everything was burning hot._

_“Matt…” Nick moaned deeply in Matt’s ear, nibbling softly on his earlobe. He felt Nick’s hands slide down his back, causing a shiver to travel up his spine._

 

Matt opened his eyes the second he woke up. His chest was heaving vigorously and he was completely tangled up in his sheets. Had he just…? He patted his hand in his crotch area; he was stiff. Yep, he had just had a wet dream about Nick. He hadn’t had a wet dream since he was a teenager.

 

“No…” He sighed out in the darkness. It was still night and he was wide awake; hot and bothered. He picked up his phone and checked the time; the bright light felt like acid to his eyes. It was almost two hours left until his alarm would go off.

 

All that he really could do was to stare out in the darkness. His entire body was aching for him to touch himself, but he stubbornly tucked his hands under his pillow. He wasn’t going to get off while Nick was running around in his head, that’s for sure. Who knows what that would do to their not-so-professional relationship?

After ten minutes his blood had stopped rushing to the boner he had hosted and it was gone. He sighed with relief.

He knew exactly what had brought this on. The last weeks with Nick had been intense; one second he was just like any other friend and next second he was some sort of sex-god sent from above. Especially lately, with all the touching. Nick had been practically all over him. At first Matt had thought it was intentional, one of Nick’s stupid games, but he discovered that that seemingly wasn’t the case:

_It was during a lunch with the whole breakfast crew. Matt had been deep in a discussion with Fiona (purposely ignoring Nick beside him), when he had felt a warm hand on his forearm. He knew that it was Nick’s hand without looking; he could feel it from the shape and the size and the pressure and the temperature. That day, he had been frustrated about the constant touching and decided that he had had enough._

_So he had turned to Nick, prepared to snap at him and jerk his arm away, but had been met by Nick’s big, olive green eyes; gazing innocently into his._

_“Could you pass the salt?” Nick had asked and Matt had only nodded mutely before doing so._

 

And that’s when he started to see the touches for what they really were; innocent. Nick only touched his shoulder, or his arm, or his back… no inappropriate touches. Matt couldn’t say that he stayed innocent himself though. He had touched Nick in return; completely appropriate, but with hidden motives. Because every time he laid a hand on Nick, it was like his hand got stuck and a rush of comfortable warmth travelled through him.

Matt rolled over on his stomach and tried to go back to sleep, but it was hopeless with all these thoughts running through his mind.

The physical contact between him and Nick was disturbing, because it had this special effect on him; very touch burned his skin like a thousand shining suns. Even several hours afterwards, like now, he could still feel the imprint of heat on him, shaped after Nick’s hand. It’s almost like he’d been stigmatized. Nick had lit a fire inside of him and hadn’t bothered to put it out, so Matt assumed that he had to do it himself. But how?

It didn’t get better by Ian acting weird, too. Ian usually stayed in the background, not commanding and letting himself be bossed around by both Matt and Nick. But Matt guessed Ian’s behavior changed when he was around ‘confused’ people, because lately he had been waist-deep down in Matt’s business. Consulting him, trying to clarify his confusion or calling him out on his actions. It was annoying how he was trying to be some sort of wise owl now.

What was he supposed to do?

 

**~**

 

“What’s wrong?” Ian asked, standing closely behind Matt to be able to whisper discreetly in his ear.

 

“Nothing’s wrong, why?” Matt could hear the obvious lie in his own voice, but he stood at his point anyway.

 

“You have barely looked at Nick today” Ian pointed out, and Matt closed his eyes; annoyed with Ian’s curious but knowing tone.

 

“Stop creeping behind my back” Matt sighed, desperately trying to change the topic, but to no use.

 

“What happened?” Ian tried to press the matter a little bit further.

 

“Nothing!” Matt snapped and turned around, glaring at Ian.

 

“Okay” Ian said and raised his hands in defense. But he stayed close to Matt, had a special look in his eyes. The reason why Matt hated that specific look is that after a while he would just give in under the pressure and tell Ian everything. It had happened a lot more often than he liked to admit over time. Another sigh passed over his lips. He quickly looked around the studio; Nick was talking on air (and he should probably listen to what), Fiona wasn’t paying them any attention and LMC was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps she had gone to the bathroom or something.

 

“I had a dream about him” Matt confessed quietly and fixed his gaze on Ian’s shoulder to avoid eye contact.

 

“Oh… You mean a sexual dream?” Ian didn’t even sound surprised. Probably wasn’t.

 

“I don’t really remember, but I guess” Matt shrugged.

 

“You guess? What do you mean by- oh! You had a boner!” Ian said loudly as realization dawned on him.

 

“Be quiet! And I’m just going to point out that you don’t have to be aroused to have a boner; it might as well just be because you need to pee or that you’re nervous or frightened. That is a fact”

 

“Are you trying to tell me that you have nightmares about Nick?” Ian asked, amused.

 

“No, but you can’t just  _assume-_ “

 

“What are you talking about?” Nick inquired, startling both Ian and Matt with his sudden presence.

 

“Nothing important” Ian said and Matt waited for his racing heart to calm down. Yes, Nick had surprised him a little, but it hadn’t been  _that_  scary. On the other hand, he was standing  _very_  close…

 

“I heard the word ‘boner’, come on; tell me” Nick looked adorable with his curious smile and his childishly sparkling eyes and eager expression; it made Matt’s heart ache.

 

“I just told Matt that I… had a boner yesterday at the tube and that it was embarrassing” Ian explained and Matt stared at him in surprise. Really? Was Ian really covering for him? Ian met his eyes and nodded subtly.

 

“Why did you have a boner?” Nick asked with a giggle.

 

“Uh, you know, there was totally packed with people and everyone was pressed up against each other” Ian lied, but before Nick could see through it he swiftly changed the topic:

“Anyway, it’s almost time to turn on the cameras for the nickstape”

 

“Yes, right”

 

Matt turned on the cameras while Nick introduced to DJ. When the music began, he turned to Matt.

 

“Come on Finchy; it’s your time to shine” He did a sweeping hand-gesture in front of the camera.

 

“Dance with me?” Matt asked and Nick gaped at him. Then a smile lit up his face and a shallow blush graced his cheeks.

 

“Alright, uh, how are we gonna do this?” Nick took a step closer to Matt and lifted his arms a little.

 

“Just, erm, place your hands on my shoulders or something” Matt instructed and the distance closed between them. Nick’s hands settled down on Matt’s shoulders and Matt’s hand found their way to Nick’s waist; holding lightly. They began to sway from side to side while moving around in a circle.

 

“This probably looks really stupid” Matt mumbled. He barely dared to look Nick in the face, even less his eyes.

 

“Tumblr is going to be flooded with grincham” Nick sniggered and tried to catch Matt’s gaze, but he stubbornly kept his eyes away.

 

“Maybe the ‘Matt Fincham’-tag will be alive for once. I reckon that about two thirds of it is grincham” Matt huffed and ducked his head, smiling.

 

“But that is almost better than my tag that is filled with gryles. I mean, I get it; we are both handsome young men who spend a lot of time together, but he’s almost like my little brother. I would pick grincham over that any day” Nick knew that he was on dangerous territory now; if he pushed the issue too far Matt might get uncomfortable and pull away. But he just couldn’t stop his vocal cords from conjuring up the words or stop his tongue from forming them or stop his lips from pressing them out of his mouth.

 

“Aw, that’s sweet of you, but it’s almost time for you to talk again” Matt said with a soft voice.

 

“Those two things had nothing to do with each other, but okay. You have already stepped on my toes three times anyway”

 

They let go of each other and Nick walked up to the microphone, putting on his headphones and getting ready to talk, and Matt tuned him on air again.

Matt felt mildly confused. Everything was like normal, nothing had changed, but why did everything feel different? Did Nick also feel the difference? Where did this leave them? Did he read too much into this? Why was he even thinking about this? When would all the confusion and all the questions  _stop_?


	10. The past comes back

Nick’s steps were light and his whole being vibrated with self-confidence when he walked into the BBC Radio 1 building.

His steps to get Matt interested had obviously paid off and he felt like they were coming to a closing point soon. At least he hoped so. He had received instructions about his next step from Harry last night. Well, technically the instructions came from Louis and Harry was just their messenger, but Nick liked to pretend that he didn’t take advice from that bratty kid.

The instructions were pretty easy; _‘make it obvious that you want him’_. This meant that he could finally drop the innocent-act and let his inner predator out.

 

As soon as he walked into the studio he spotted Matt and just the sight of him brought a smile to Nick’s face.

 

“Good morning” He said when he was standing rather close to Matt.

 

“Good morning, Nick” Matt answered, his tone was warm. Nick scanned him over.

 

“Do you have new jeans?” They certainly looked new. And tight. When did Matt start wearing tight jeans?

 

“I do. You like them?” Matt smiled and did a little turn to let Nick see them better.

 

“Yeah, makes your ass looks great” Nick made sure that Matt saw where he was looking before he looked up to Matt’s face with a smirk plastered on his face. Matt’s eyes were wide with surprise and he was flustered bright red.

 

“Erm… Uh, thank you” Matt stammered with a nervous little laugh. Nick’s smirk grew slightly, because damn, Matt was adorable.

 

“So, do you have a script for today’s show?” Nick raised his eyebrow and stared into Matt’s eyes with intensity.

 

“Yeah, right here” Matt said and avoided eye contact as he held out the sheet he had prepared.

 

Nick reckoned that this step was going to be fairly easy. Finally. He wasn’t so afraid of this failing, because he had noticed what kind of affect the other steps had on Matt, and let’s face it; this plan was going to succeed.

 

“Thank you” He said and brushed Matt’s fingers with his own as he retrieved the paper.

 

“You’re welcome, pal” Matt said and gave Nick a shaky smile. Nick’s heart sank a little. Was Matt going to pretend they were still just friends?

 

**~**

 

“And what did you answer?” Ian asked with a low voice.

 

“Ian, I’m trying to work here, I don’t have time to gossip” Matt informed his colleague and continued to produce the current interview. Nick was in top interviewer form; asking all the right questions and making hilarious jokes in all the right places. As usual he made the interview seem more like a private chatting session, which he knew most people, both guests and listeners, appreciated.

 

“Come on, this interview is going smooth, it doesn’t need you undivided attention” Ian insisted and Matt sighed heavily.

 

“I just said thank you. There, happy?” Matt turned to give Ian a look that told him exactly how little interest he had in discussing this.

 

“And?” Ian inquired.

 

“He asked me for the script for the show and I gave it to him and he said  _‘thank you’_ and I said  _‘you’re_   _welcome, pal’_. Now, will you stop bothering me?” Matt spoke quickly and he actually expected Ian to leave him alone. Foolish of him.

 

“ _Pal?_ ” Ian asked like he was unable to believe it.

 

“Don’t even start, Ian. Just because you caught me  _‘spying’_  doesn’t mean we will have a heart to heart every time I-“

 

“Every time you doubt your sexuality or every time you’re confused about your feelings for Nick or every time you try to push him away?” Ian finished for him and looked at him with a curious and expecting expression.

 

“What was the point in saying all that?” Matt asked, unamused and embarrassed by the accurateness of Ian’s words.

 

“You’re indicating that the two of you are just friends, but who are you trying to convince; him or yourself?” Ian wondered and Matt wanted to scream to him that more questions weren’t going to clarify any of his confusion.

 

“Why are you telling me this?” Matt fumed; he just wanted Ian to leave the matter alone.

 

“Because I want you to consider what would happen if you let your gut steer you” Ian explained, but Matt didn’t dare to think about that for more than a few seconds. He knew that his gut would steer him right into Nick’s arms.

 

“It’s not something that could happen” Matt said and sounded more disappointed than he wished.

 

“Anything could happen” Ian shrugged. Was he referring to the fact that he had, to everyone’s surprise, started to date Nick’s best friend Aimee? Perhaps he had gained all this new confidence from her?

 

“You know what he told us; when he likes someone he can barely speak to them. He doesn’t seem to have any trouble talking to me” Matt argued, and pretended that it wasn’t weird that he remembered something that Nick had said ages ago.

 

“Perhaps that has changed?” Ian suggested.

 

“I highly doubt that, and even if it have, he likes those overly good-looking guys, not ordinary ones like me” It almost felt like Matt was trying to come up with every reason possible to why Nick couldn’t be interested in him.

 

“So you do want him to like you?” Ian concluded and Matt wanted to bang his head on the soundboard in frustration. Couldn’t they just stop talking about this?!

 

“What I want is to stop talking about this” Matt said; he had decided to finally put an end to this conversation.

 

“Of course you do. You always do, once we start to border on something uncomfortable, like the truth” Ian huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

 

“Ian, please” He was practically begging Ian to let it go.

 

“Alright, alright, I’ll stop talking about it… on one condition” Ian promised.

 

“What is it now?” Matt asked with annoyance dripping from his tone.

 

“Just notice the way he’s looking at you right now” Ian whispered in his ear with an uncomfortably seductive voice.

 

Matt glanced at Nick, who was telling their guest about some incident that happened to him years ago. He was focused on the interview, but his eyes were focused elsewhere; they were slowly travelling down Matt’s body, taking in every inch of his appearance. When his eyes were fixed at Matt’s crotch area he let the tip of his tongue slide over his lips, wetting them with glistering saliva. Matt’s face heated up and he saw how Nick’s eyes started to make their way up his body now. When Nick met his gaze he quickly refocused on his guest again, like he didn’t want Matt to know he had been staring.

Matt tried to swallow the lump in his throat. That look, that tongue, those lips… did Nick realise what he did to him? And it didn’t help that he could feel Ian’s hot breath on his neck.

God, when did this job become a sexuality-exploration?

 

**~**

 

Matt was humming on a melody he couldn’t recall hearing before while he was doing the dishes. He and his flat mate had enjoyed dinner together, and James had cooked it in exchange for that Matt would take care of the dishes afterwards. James had gone out with some friends; he had offered Matt to come with, but Matt had declined.

 

The doorbell rang and he fetched a towel to dry his hands on while walking up to the door. He slung the towel over his shoulder and opened the door; revealing someone he hadn’t seen in a long time. Lizzie.

 

“Hey” She breathed and Matt felt a pang of sadness in his heart when he heard her beautiful voice.

 

“What are you doing here?” He asked and scanned her over. She looked lovelier than he ever remembered.

 

“I think I left my black high heels here” She said and shifted awkwardly from foot to foot.

 

“Right… Eh, come in” He opened the door wider and let her step inside. The familiar scent of her perfume filled the room.

 

“So how have you’ve been?” She asked as she poked around in the pile of shoes on the floor.

 

“Good” Matt answered quickly, maybe a little too quickly. She glanced up at him and he forced a stiff smile. “And you?”

 

“I’ve been good too… But I’ve missed you” She whispered the last part and Matt’s heart turned into a lump of pure pain.

 

“I’ve missed you too…” He mumbled and she stood up. He reached out his hand and caught a stray strand of her hair and tucked it behind her ear. “Why did we break up in the first place?” He asked, even if he already knew the answer.

 

“You know why,” she sighed, “there was just something that was-“

 

“-missing. Yeah, I know” Matt finished her sentence and withdrew his hand. There was a pressuring silence between them, growing heavier by the second.

 

“Perhaps they are in your room?” Lizzie suggested, but Matt had completely lost the thread and looked comically puzzled until he realised she was talking about her shoes.

 

“Maybe” Matt agreed and they both entered his room. This felt way too normal for Matt to be comfortable with, plus his room were so messy. He was usually very clean and organised, but he guessed he had been a bit too busy lately.

 

After they had turned his room upside down in search for the shoes without results, Matt offered to crawl under the bed to look.

He slid in under the low bed, squinting in the darkness and trying not to sneeze in the rich amount dust. He really needed to clean under here.

The faint ringing of his cellphone cut through the silence and Matt sighed. The phone was in the kitchen.

 

“Could you get that?” He asked Lizzie. It was probably inappropriate to ask his ex-girlfriend to answer his phone, but the words had slipped out of his mouth out of old habit.

 

“Sure” He heard how Lizzie stalked out of his room and into the kitchen. He listened carefully.

 

 _“Hello?… It’s Lizzie… No, he’s under the bed. He is looking for some shoes I left here… Black high heels, why?… Why do you want to know?!”_ Her voice turned irritated. He had always thought that she was cute when she was annoyed, but now he couldn’t quite understand why he had.

 

 _“No, we’re not… I’m going on a date, yes, but not with him. Happy?… I’ll tell him to call you back… Okay, bye”_  Matt had expected it to hurt more to know that Lizzie had moved on already, but he sort of had too. He heard her steps coming closer and closer and quickly looked around for the shoes. Ah, there they are.

 

He got to his feet at the same time that Lizzie re-entered the room and brushed off some of the dust bunnies that had stuck to his shirt.

 

“Here they are” He said and held out the pair towards her.

 

“Thank you, Matt” She smiled and retrieved the shoes, then they walked back to the hall. Lizzie turned to leave.

 

“Erm, who called?” Matt asked and she turned around again.

 

“Nick Grimshaw, of course” Her voice was bitter, like Nick’s name was a poison.

 

“Of course? What’s that supposed to mean?” Matt asked, immediately getting protective of his friend. Lizzie sighed loudly.

 

“What I mean is that it’s always about  _him_ ” She explained, frustrated.

 

“He is my job!” Matt snapped, and maybe he had worded that wrong, but it was closer to the truth than any other description of his job.

 

“He isn’t just your job, he is your hobby! No, he’s you bloody  _obsession!_ ” She shouted the accusation and Matt felt the anger rise in him.

 

“That is not true!” He defended himself, because this was getting ridiculous.

 

“It is! How do you think it felt for me to know that I wasn’t number one for my own boyfriend?!”

 

“What are you talking about? You were my number one!”

 

“I wasn’t, and you know it. How do you think it felt for me when you only talked about him on our dates?! Or when we were cuddling and you texted him 26 stupid emoticons instead of focusing on me?! He was always  _there_  and he was always in the way!”

 

“Did we break up because of Nick?!” He asked in disbelief. It couldn’t be.

 

“We broke up because of many things. He was one of those things” Lizzie sighed and ran her hand through her hair.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Matt wondered if he could possibly have saved their relationship. He wondered even more if he actually had wanted to.

 

“You were already long gone” She shrugged.

 

“What do you mean?” Matt asked, but Lizzie only walked over to the door; opening it.

 

“Open your eyes, Matt. And thanks for the shoes”

 

And she was gone as fast as she had arrived. Matt sighed. Did she mean what Matt thought that she mean? Was he just closing his eyes to what was obvious to everyone else; that he was completely besotted with Nick?

He suddenly realised that he had just admitted that to himself for the first time. And now it was like he had unlocked his own private Pandora’s Box with thoughts of it. Itwas overwhelming, but nice at the same time.

Now the only question was; how was he going to tackle these feelings during the Breakfast Show tomorrow?


	11. It does not pay to be drunk and horny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus points to whoever can figure out where the chapter title comes from ;)

A few hours after Lizzie had left, Matt was curled up in his bed; trying to go to sleep. It was hard to relax when he was so nervous about the next day. He felt silly for being nervous; he met Nick every single day, but he  _knew_  now. He didn’t exactly know what difference it made, but he did know that there was a difference. And from the way Nick had acted towards him lately, he had at least an ounce of hope that Nick might feel something similar as him.

 

He opened his eyes suddenly. He had totally forgotten to call Nick back after Lizzie’s visit! He groaned and sat up slowly, reaching for his phone that was charging beside the bed. He looked at the time; 22:38. Nick was probably still awake. He dialled Nick’s number and brought the phone to his ear; listening to beeping signals and waiting patiently for Nick to pick up.

 

**~**

 

Going out when he had work the next day was never a good idea, but Nick’s friends had talked him into it anyways. Apparently he had been ‘so stressed lately’ and he was always up for a little bit of partying to relax.

After a night of drinking he was in a cab, even if it was only a little after ten. But he was not on his way home and he was certainly not alone. A young man was clinging on him, had him pressed against the door and his tongue was working enthusiastically in Nick’s mouth. The kisses were laced with a special kind of inexperience that Nick associated with being young and too eager, but he guessed it was alright. He wasn’t exactly sure how he ended up with this man, but he might as well have some fun while he could. So he kissed back and tried to not think about how he preferred gentler kisses without a sloppy tongue swiping around his teeth like it was trying to figure out what he had for breakfast.

All of a sudden he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and when it continued he realised that he had an awaiting call. He couldn’t help but feel a bit relieved that he had an excuse to break the kiss.

 

“Can I just…?” He asked the young man above him, who nodded. Nick dug up his phone from the bottom of his pocket and swallowed before answering; trying to not think about that most of the saliva he swallowed probably wasn’t his own.

 

“Hello?” He asked without looking at the caller ID first.

 

“Hey, Nick. I hope I didn’t wake you up” Nick immediately recognised Matt’s voice and his heart fluttered a little.

 

“No, not at all” He said and could feel himself smile from ear to ear.

 

“Good. Erm, you called before but I forgot to call you back and I just wanted to know why you were calling?” Matt rambled. Nick remembered the call; how terrified he had been when Matt’s ex-girlfriend Lizzie had picked up the phone, but when he asked Lizzie if she and Matt were going out she had told him that they wasn’t, that she had just left a pair of shoes at Matt’s place.

 

“Yeah, right, I was just going to ask if you wanted to come with me and some friends to the club, but I guess that’s a bit too late now” He let out a silly giggle without reason. Cons of being drunk, he guessed.

 

“Oh, okay-” Matt’s voice was cut off from his hearing when his hook-up nicked his phone out of his hand.

 

“Hi, excuse me, but Grimmy is a bit busy right now” The man said, and his voice sounded fake and annoying. Nick stared at him. Had he seriously just snatched the phone when Nick was talking to Matt?!

 

“Busy as in his hand is down my trousers” The man continued and Nick quickly got his hand out of the man’s trousers. Had he seriously considered hooking up with this man?

The man handed the phone back to Nick, but the call had already ended.

 

“So, Grimmy, where were we?” The man smiled and leaned in again. Matt wouldn’t call him  _‘Grimmy’_  in an intimate moment like this; he would say  _‘Nick’_  or  _‘Nicholas’_.

 

“My name is Nick” He said and pushed himself more against the door to get away from the man’s lips.

 

“Okay then,  _Nick_ , where were we?” The man huffed and rolled his eyes. God, he was irritating.

 

“Stop the car!” Nick shouted to the driver and pushed the man away.

 

“I can’t just stop in the middle of the road, you’ll have to wait” The driver informed him and he sighed loudly. He glanced at the young man beside him, who had crossed his arms and looked like a bratty seven years old.

 

“What the hell was that?” He asked the man, irritation slowly bubbling into anger.

 

“What are you talking about?” The man asked, confused and probably just as irritated as Nick was.

 

“The phone call! Do you have any idea of what you have done?!” Nick cried out and the man raised his eyebrow as a silent question.

“That was my boss!” Nick clarified and gripped his hair in frustration.

 

“Is he homophobic or what’s the problem?” The man asked, but he didn’t sound interested.

 

“No, he’s not” Nick sighed and put his hands over his eyes.

“We have something going on and now you might have ruined everything”

 

“Don’t put this on me! You only got yourself to blame, this is your screw-up!” The man barked back angrily, but luckily the cab stopped just in that moment.

Without another word Nick opened the door and slammed it behind him once he was out. He breathed in the clear evening air and felt utterly hopeless. He should have known better than to hook up with some random guy and stumble on the finish line. Matt was fragile right now… No, not fragile, but he wasn’t ready to be let down again. There was something between them, even if they hadn’t touched on it yet, and now Matt probably thought that it didn’t mean anything. But it did; it meant the world to him. He tried calling Matt’s phone, but he assumed that Matt had the ‘do not disturb’ feature on, since he came directly to the voicemail.

There’s only one thing to do then…

**~**

Matt was staring out in the darkness of his room. A long time had passed since his phone call with Nick and he had tried  _so hard_  to go to sleep, but it was useless.

How could he have been  _stupid_  enough to think that Nick would like him back? Why did he even let himself begin to hope? He had said it himself before; Nick liked them young and hot. And Matt didn’t fit into that description at all. So why hadn’t he just listened to his own words and understood that Nick couldn’t possibly want him? Nick, who was the hottest guy on the market right now and had endless of pop stars and models to pick and choose from. Nick, who was funny and interesting and could light up the mood of a whole nation in the mornings. Nick, who was handsome and gracious and goofy all at the same time and made himself the main attraction of every situation he was seated into. How could Matt have ever thought that he was _good enough_ for Nick?

He heard distant knocks on the front door and rolled out of his bed with a groan. He stumbled out to the hall and opened the door, but was not surprised by who stood on the other side. He hadn’t expected it, but it seemed so natural now that Nick stood before him.

“What are you doing here?” He asked with a tired tone.

 

“Can I come in?” Nick looked unsurely at him, like Matt was going to say no. But really, he could never say no to Nick. Matt only answered by opening the door wider and Nick stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

 

“So…” Nick awkwardly tucked his hands into his jeans pockets, looking around, mostly to have anything to do. In his eyes Matt could see the tiredness that always came after the high of alcohol had worn off.

 

“You can sleep on the couch if you want to” Matt offered, even if he didn’t want Nick in his house right now. His feelings were ridiculously hurt.

 

“Thank you” Nick mumbled and Matt went to get him some sheets.

When he walked into the living room, Nick had placed his coat, shirt and trousers in an armchair beside the couch; leaving him in only a white t-shirt and underwear. Pretty much the same attire as Matt himself wore. He couldn’t help but glance at the exposed skin he had seen multiply times before but never really paid any attention to. He scanned Nick over; with his tired eyes, tousled hair and big t-shirt, he looked extremely small and young. And adorable, but this wasn’t the right time to think about that. He should really just push the sheets into Nick’s arms and leave him to it, but of course he couldn’t do that. Instead he stayed behind and helped Nick making the couch into a bed, and waited until Nick had climbed under the sheets before he turned off the lamp in the ceiling and left the room with a ‘good night’.

But as he lay down in his own bed, he thought over the evening’s events. What was Nick doing? Letting his hook-ups take his calls and then turning up at Matt’s door… it all just seemed very strange.

Matt slung the duvet off his body and stalked angrily into the living room, turning on the light without mercy. Nick needed to stop being a bloody mystery and he needed to stop now.

 

“Whaaa, Finchy, what are you doing?” Nick asked with a weak voice and peeked out from under the sheets, squinting his eyes to adjust to the sudden brightness.

 

“What are you playing at?!” Matt practically yelled at Nick. He didn’t usually yell when he was mad, he preferred calm rage, but now he just wanted answers.

 

“Okay, what are you talking about?” Nick sat up in the couch and looked confused.

 

“I’m talking about you randomly showing up on my doorstep right after you shagged another guy! And then you just… I mean, who even was that guy?!” Matt felt stupid for standing and yelling at his friend for having fun, but he just couldn’t stop himself. He wasn’t going to lie; he was disappointed and jealous.

 

“It was no one; I don’t even remember his name. And I didn’t shag him, we were just snogging in a cab when you called and then I got out of there as soon as I could, okay? I’m sorry, Matt. I’m drunk and I was barely aware of what I was doing. But I promise you; what we did and whatever we was about to do, it didn’t mean anything. _He_  didn’t mean anything” Nick was still huddled up under his sheets, and though he was being serious, he looked ridiculous when he sat there in the couch like a twerp.

 

“Oh right, I forgot you’re one of  _those people_ ” Matt sighed.

 

“What people?” Nick asked and finally got out of that goddamn couch. He stood up and crossed his arms over his chest; challenging Matt to explain his words.

 

“You know what I mean… You love them and leave them” Matt shrugged, but then he stopped in the middle of the motion. With all the compliments and obvious flirting between him and Nick lately…  _was Nick trying to get him on his back?_

 

“Is that what you are trying to do?” He asked without considering that Nick hadn’t followed his train of thoughts.

 

“What?” Nick asked with his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

 

“Are you trying to seduce me? Because if you only see me as another disposable body that you can just use for your own benefit, then I have lost all respect I ever had for you. Do you have any idea what you are just throwing away when you-” Matt was getting worked up, spitting out the words, but he was interrupted by Nick.

 

“No, don’t you understand?” Nick brought his hands to his face, covered his eyes and sighed. “I’m in love with you”

 

Matt’s eyes widened comically and he gaped at Nick; speechless. Nick took this as a sign for him to continue to explain himself.

 

“I’m not trying to seduce you. Well, not in the sense of using you, at least… I’m trying to win you over or whatever they call it…” Nick was searching for the right word, but it seemed like his whole vocabulary was just floating away. “I’m… I’m wooing you” Nick’s eyes lit up as he found the word he was looking for.

 

“Ehhhh… Can we talk about this in the morning?” Matt needed time to melt all this new information. Most of all he just wanted to take three steps forward and wrap Nick up in a tight embrace and kiss him until neither of them could breathe, but he knew that would be stupid. He needed to think this through before he acted.

 

“No, you can’t just leave me hanging here! At least give me a reaction” Nick pleaded. Matt could see the sadness in his eyes, like he had already been rejected.

 

“You’re drunk, Nick. How do I know that this isn’t just something you say now, because you’re drunk and feel lonely?” Matt wanted to believe Nick, but he was afraid that when the morning came around, Nick would tell him that he didn’t mean what he had said.

 

“I have been drinking, true, but I know what I’m saying here. And I mean it. Just… please” Nick begged, and eventually Matt nodded.

There was a tense silence between them, but it was broken by Matt’s words.

 

“Eh, did you just wake up one day and suddenly liked me, or..?” Matt couldn’t help but pry a little.

 

“No, it’s been a long time coming. I have always thought you were adorable and sort of just fancied you platonically, but then, one night, my friends asked me if I would… eh, if I would ever sleep with you and I said that I wouldn’t mind, and after that I just started to think about you much more than I had before… and then I started to feel jealous of your girlfriend, and with all the on-air flirting and getting grincham thrown in our faces… I realised that I like you more than I thought I did” During his little speech, Nick had unconsciously wrapped his arms around himself, like he was trying to feel some sort of protection from rejection. Matt thought that Nick was very brave for standing here and pouring his heart out without getting some sort of clue about how Matt felt about this.

 

“Wow, that was quite the revelation… but, eh, I like you too” Matt said and Nick’s head snapped up quickly.

 

“Really?!” He asked, but his smile had already confirmed that he had no doubt in Matt’s words. “That’s great!” Probably without thinking about it, Nick took a step forward, but Matt took a step back and raised his hands in a rejecting manner.

 

“But I’m not ready for any sort of commitment right now. I recently broke up with my girlfriend and the feelings I have for you are pretty new to me. I want to be with you, Nick, but I don’t want to go too fast into this and risking screwing it up” He quickly explained and Nick looked disappointed, but understanding.

 

“So where does this leave us?” Nick questioned and clasped his hands together in front of himself; a sign of anxiety.

 

“I don’t know… I’d love for you to wait for me, but it would be selfish to ask” Matt said, but looked tentatively at Nick; silently asking him to wait.

 

“Of course I’ll wait for you, there’s no question to it” Nick hurriedly confirmed.

 

“Thank you. But you don’t have to live in celibate, just so you know” Matt smiled, but he knew that he would be jealous in no time.

 

“No, I will. Even if we’re not in a relationship yet, I will be true to you” Nick said, but a second afterward he looked like he couldn’t believe what he was promising. At least he was smiling.

 

“Okay, good… great” Matt felt a special, in a silly way. But why wouldn’t he feel special? He had  _Nick Grimshaw_ at his mercy.

 

“It won’t be awkward between us now, right?” Nick asked with a concerned smile.

 

“Of course not” Matt assured, but he could already feel the awkwardness creeping up on them…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the end it kind of did pay to be drunk and horny… sort of… maybe


	12. Closure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now the journey ends. Thanks for following this story guys :) This won’t be my last grincham fic though ;) Okay, so I’ve proof-read this a billion times looking for typos, but if there’s anything left, I’m sorry.

Things were weird between Nick and Matt. That was the only way Nick could describe this situation; weird.

He wished that he could at least tell if it was a good or a bad situation he had gotten himself into, but he had no clue.

He and Matt had agreed that they would act as before on the show, but it didn’t work because it didn’t come naturally. Most of the time.

The reason why he used the word ‘weird’ to describe their current relationship was because it was a changing process. Some days everything was like before; they flirted and joked and talked and gave each other encouraging pats on the back. But other days, they barely dared to look at each other.

The rest of the crew knew what was up, because Matt had chosen to confide in Ian, who couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He usually wasn’t that gossip-y, but for some reason this particular subject was something that had been whispered into the ears of every breakfast show worker. Matt had of course told them that he wouldn’t accept a word of it leaving the group.

The listeners had noticed too, Nick realised as he browsed through tumblr. Everyone complained about how the dynamics of the show was different and, well,  _worse_. Everyone was wondering if he and Matt had had a fall out. Had they? No, they were just trying to date each other… soon.

Nick sighed and put his phone down. Why did they have to wait? It’s not like their potential relationship would fly out the window just because Matt missed his ex from time to time. Nick would hopefully be able to accept that Matt had a past; he had too! All he wanted was just to be close to Matt.

Nick rolled his eyes at himself; he really got it bad.

 

"What are you rolling your eyes about?" Ian asked and Nick looked up. He had completely forgotten that he was having lunch with Ian.

 

"Hypothetically speaking; how long does it take for a guy to get over his girlfriend?" Nick knew that he was making himself obvious, but he didn’t really care. It was no secret that he was besotted with Matt; the whole nation should know by now.

 

"That is individual, you know that," Ian sighed; it wasn’t the first time Nick had complained over this particular problem.

 

"But has he said anything to you?" Nick asked and leaned over the table to indicate privacy between the two of them.

 

"No, he hasn’t, and even if he had I wouldn’t tell you," Ian said and sat back in his chair; crossing his arms over his chest.

 

"I get that he want to wait, I just think it’s a waste of time… Do you think I should make a move?" Nick couldn’t help but ask, even though he knew that Ian would tell him no this time as well.

 

"Nick, for the last time; no! Why are you so hasty about this?" Ian let his hands cover his head and gripped the hair tightly in frustration. He was tired of hearing both Nick’s and Matt’s every thought for the past weeks, especially since he wasn’t allowed to tell either of them what the other had said.

 

"Because now I  _know_! I thought things would be better once I found out if he liked me or not, but it’s torturous to be so close, yet so far away," Nick sighed and put his face in his palms. If someone were to look at them, they would’ve found two men in deep frustration.

 

"Why can’t you just take my advice?" Ian asked and let go of his hair to continue his meal.

 

"Because I never take advice from anyone," Nick scoffed and followed Ian’s example in stuffing his face.

 

"You took advice from Harry," Ian pointed out and his voice almost sounded accusing.

 

"Desperate times call for desperate measures," Nick shrugged and took another mouthful of his chicken salad.

 

"You mean to tell me that you aren’t desperate now?" Ian asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

"I wouldn’t take your advice even if I was," Nick said through his mouthful of chicken salad.

 

"Why not?!" Ian was obviously offended, but not severely so.

 

"Pure principle," Nick shrugged and they continued their meal in silence. He had actually taken Ian’s advice the last couple of weeks and kept himself calm. It’s just that his skin was beginning to sting from the boiling frustration inside of him. When he first met Matt Fincham, he had no idea that the other man would one day make him feel like this. It was pathetic, really.

But he just wanted a closure to this whole pre-relationship business. It had been fun, but he’d had quite enough now… Oh well, he guessed the moment would present itself eventually.

 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

 

"If you go on our website; bbc dot co dot uk forward slash radio one, you are able to see that Deco Pilot have joined us in the studio. Hi guys!" Nick said enthusiastically and looked at the four young, nervous men in front of him. This was the band’s first interview on a big radio station like BBC Radio 1.

The interview went smoothly; if you didn’t know about the guys’ inexperience with interviews, you wouldn’t have noticed. They were all easy to talk to and they made small jokes between questions. Hilarious jokes that left Nick breathless with laughter.

Nick glanced at Matt to see if the joke had affected him as well, and he found Matt smiling at him with a soft expression on his face.

 

"What are you smiling about, Finchy?" He asked with a grin.

 

"Nothing really. Just… your laugh is the best kind," Matt looked a bit embarrassed about admitting such a thing and the way he turned his gaze to the floor suggested that he regretted doing it.

 

"Aw, thank you darling," Nick said with a hint of tease in his voice.

 

The four boys in Deco Pilot looked between Matt and Nick, then at each other.

 

"Are you a couple?" The bassist, John, asked with an unsure smile.

 

"Oh, no, not at all. Well, at least not yet," Nick said with a forced chuckle and looked down in his papers to find another question to ask the band in order to change the subject.

 

"What do you mean, ‘not yet’?" The singer, José, questioned and looked at them with his eyebrows furrowed.

 

"Well, Matt here," Nick pointed with his thumb over his shoulder at Matt, “isn’t sure about his feelings for me, so I am basically just waiting for him to make up his mind," Nick explained this with a certain tired tone in his voice, and with a reason; he was tired of waiting. He probably shouldn’t blab about his and Matt’s potential relationship on air, but he was beyond caring at the moment.

 

"Hang on, that’s not true!" Matt protested and everyone’s eyes turned to him. “It’s  _your_  feelings that I’m unsure of,"

 

"My feelings?! Why would you be unsure of my feelings?" Nick asked angrily; he was offended. Why did people always assume that he didn’t know anything about love?

 

"How can I know that it wasn’t just the chase that excited you?" Matt’s voice was low and hesitant, like he didn’t want to offend Nick further. That’s a new one.

 

"You can’t know that; you just have to trust me, the same way that I trust you when you say you like me. I can’t be certain that you’re not just lonely after your breakup, but I trust you when you say that’s not the case. Do you understand?" Nick was talking right into the microphone and he could see big boss Ben Cooper giving him an almost-glare. Apparently, homosexual love affairs weren’t an acceptable discussion to have on national radio.

 

"Yes, but-" Matt started, but Nick cut him off rudely.

 

"For God’s sake, Matt! Why can’t you just trust me?! I humiliated myself through asking _Louis Tomlinson_  for advice on how to woo you! And remember that time you had to patch up my finger? Yeah, I cut myself on purpose,  _just so that you would patch me up!_  I am… crazy in love with you, but I can’t predict the future. I want to be with you now and I know I won’t get tired of you. I know that we might fall out of love and that you might get tired of me, but seriously; stop doubting me in this," Nick’s voice had been harsh throughout the whole speech, but at the last five words it softened. It was dead silent in the studio.

 

"Okay," Matt finally said, “I trust you,"

 

"Really?" Nick asked, but the question passed without an answer. Nick and Matt were just gazing into each other’s eyes, with so much love and silly smiles; it almost looked like they had been taken out of a romantic comedy. One of those cliché, dumb chick-flicks that everyone secretly loves.

 

The guys from Deco Pilot looked between them and smirked. The drummer started a small chant that the other three joined in on; “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"

 

"We can’t; the cameras are on and we have already caused enough trouble as it is," Matt argued half-heartedly. Nick stood up from his chair and walked over to Matt with fast steps.

 

"Shut up, Fincham," He mumbled before he placed his hands on either side of Matt’s face and bent it slightly backwards before he covered Matt’s lips with his own. The kiss was gentle, even if it has a forceful pressure behind it.

They heard how the members of Deco Pilot cheered and wolf-whistled and they could her Ian sighing in relief.

The kiss confirmed everything for Matt. It was an ordinary and simple kiss, but it held what had been missing between him and Lizzie. It was hard to tell exactly what it was, but Matt knew that it felt, smelt, tasted and looked like Nick Grimshaw. Maybe there had always been a Nick-shaped hole in his life, because in that moment Matt felt complete in a way he never felt before.

Their phones vibrated in their pockets, alerting them of the same tweet directed towards both of them:

 **Harry Styles** @Harry_Styles

_Finally. @grimmers @mattfincham_


End file.
